JONAH

Once upon a time, Jonah was taking dinner to his grandmother when he came across a puss in boots selling magic beans. With utter disregard to his grandmother’s hunger, he traded the meal for a bean. He followed his trail of breadcrumbs back to his home all the time whistling a tune to keep his spirits up. When he returned home he realized seven dwarfs and a maiden had followed him, entranced by his tune. He promptly rattled off the dwarves’ names to which they all responded angrily stomping a hole in the floor and disappearing into it. He offered the lady his bed of 19 mattresses, but she refused, claiming she had back pain and required no less than 20. He grudgingly surrendered his own mattress to the pile and slept on the floor. The next morning, cranky from a poor night’s sleep, he cut off the maiden’s extremely long hair and tied her up with it. He led her to the woods where he was certain she would hook up with some beast and he would take her back to his mansion that all forest mammals have. On his way back to his house, a few people pointed out that he wasn’t wearing any clothes. He told them of course he was, and that they were just too stupid to see the special fabric, after which people left him alone. He took some clothes from a hobo at some old church, even though they were a bit loose at the back, and headed off to Improv Soup where he lived happily ever after.

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